Live Blog: Viewing “Artifact” by 30 Seconds to Mars

So, I’m going to give this a try…I’m halfway drunk and going to liveblog this potentially fucking awesome/terrible movie. We have an extra copy on hand (don’t ask), so entertain me in the comments — if you can make me spill my wine, you win. Of course, you’ll have to send your snail mail to us so we can send you the DVD, so choose wisely!

ETA: Yes, once I interviewed the band. It was weird. And, like, a million years ago.

Read the dirrrrty here.

jesse 11 January 201411:30 pm

“I can’t believe you paid money for that” #shitreginasays

jesse 11 January 201411:30 pm

Bostonregina just turned off the lights in the living room, Apparently I have to stop now?

jesse 11 January 201411:29 pm

Staying til the credits is done. The stinger is gonna be AMAZING!!!!!!

jesse 11 January 201411:29 pm

Bostonregina needs a smoke,

Regina 11 January 201411:28 pm

Okay, I’m done. Going for a smoke upstairs. FML.

jesse 11 January 201411:28 pm

Bartholomew Cubbins! FML!!!!

Regina 11 January 201411:28 pm

I need to get Emma Ludbrook drunk.

jesse 11 January 201411:28 pm

(Also, I saw her nekkid on stage with Kaiser Chiefs)

Regina 11 January 201411:27 pm

Please tell me this movie is almost over.

jesse 11 January 201411:27 pm

I SAW THE MUPPETS WITH AMANDA PALMER!!!!

Regina 11 January 201411:27 pm

FUCK DEATH.

Regina 11 January 201411:27 pm

I wish I could like your comments, Jesse.

jesse 11 January 201411:27 pm

SANDMAN IS OVERRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regina 11 January 201411:26 pm

DID AMANDA PALMER JUST SAY LADY GAGA’S NAME?! Wash your mouth, girl, you can’t speak of the GODDESS IN THAT WAY.

jesse 11 January 201411:26 pm

NEIL GAIMAN SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jesse 11 January 201411:26 pm

2014!!!!!!

jesse 11 January 201411:26 pm

BEYONCE BITCHES!!!!!

Regina 11 January 201411:26 pm

NO NO MORE AMANDA PALMER NO

jesse 11 January 201411:25 pm

Remember A Beautiful Lie and the S/T? Those were great.

jesse 11 January 201411:25 pm

Sorry, not sorry.

jesse 11 January 201411:25 pm

Also, this album was kinda crap.

Regina 11 January 201411:25 pm

OMG, in three weeks, it looks like Shannon grew a full beard and gained a stone.

jesse 11 January 201411:24 pm

I thought bostonregina was going to transcribe all my nonsense while watching. Again, oops.

Regina 11 January 201411:24 pm

Now we’ve moved on to Logan’s Run music.

jesse 11 January 201411:23 pm

bostonregina is a slave to the man (Or at least afraid of him/her/it…I was at the Canadian border with her that one time…)

jesse 11 January 201411:22 pm

SHE IS!

Regina 11 January 201411:22 pm

I AM SO INCENSED RIGHT NOW PEOPLE

jesse 11 January 201411:22 pm

Where’s Kanye? No, fer serious. He’s on the rekkid.

jesse 11 January 201411:21 pm

Courtroom or studio Paterno? Debatable.

Regina 11 January 201411:21 pm

If they are bankrupt, how does Jay-Leets pay for that sick dye job?

jesse 11 January 201411:20 pm

Think this is great? Wait ’til the Golden Globes tomorrow night!

jesse 11 January 201411:20 pm

“Is he drinking a smoothie?!?!?! In the car?!?!?!” First #shitreginasays on the liveblog everyone!

Regina 11 January 201411:19 pm

HE IS DRINKING A SMOOTHIE IN THE CAR. WITH A SPOON.

jesse 11 January 201411:19 pm

Oops.

jesse 11 January 201411:19 pm

Apparently I can post too.

Regina 11 January 201411:18 pm

Okay, fine, Jared’s eyelashes are amaaaaaazing.

Regina 11 January 201411:17 pm

OMG, we are only 90 minutes in. I am dying.

Regina 11 January 201411:16 pm

I wish there was more about how EMI, Capitol, Virgin, etc., are all the same company.

Regina 11 January 201411:14 pm

“what just happened?” “i don’t know.” — regina & jesse, 4evah, always

Regina 11 January 201411:12 pm

I’m sorry, if you count Terry Richardson as a friend, you’re a creep.

Regina 11 January 201411:12 pm

WHYYYYYYYY OMG AWKWARD FANGIRL MOMENT

Regina 11 January 201411:11 pm

Jay-Leets doing goddess pose in the airport. What.

Regina 11 January 201411:10 pm

Tomo really does a good job. I do adore his little face.

Regina 11 January 201411:10 pm

THIS IS THE LONGEST 103 MINUTES OF MY LIFE

Regina 11 January 201411:08 pm

Here is the real question: WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A LABEL ANYMORE?!

Regina 11 January 201411:08 pm

I need to have a drink with Peter Parterno.

Regina 11 January 201411:06 pm

Jared flips people off like a Southerner. With the bent knuckles. EXTEND THE FLANGE YO.

Regina 11 January 201411:05 pm

no, srsly, HOW IS SHOOTING THIS FILM?! there’s at least three cameras on this one phone call.

Regina 11 January 201411:04 pm

“does [jared] take all of his calls on speaker on a rock in the wilds of los angeles?” – jesse

Regina 11 January 201411:02 pm

okay, as someone who knows people who do / have worked in the industry, generalizing EVERYONE who works in “the business” as assholes is awful. also, this shows how much this movie is kind of out-of-date already…i think the business has changed so much w/ kickstarter and bandcamp and other avenues.

Regina 11 January 201411:01 pm

omg, is this movie done yet?

Regina 11 January 201411:00 pm

who the fuck is annabelle wallis (actress)?!

Regina 11 January 201411:00 pm

um, i think we’re having a moment with some musical circle drum thing.

Regina 11 January 201410:57 pm

omg, the fanboy on the beach i just screamed and covered my eyes and smudged my glasses not enough wine in the world for that awkward hug

Regina 11 January 201410:56 pm

“We’ve decided to get out of Los Angeles and go to Florida.” – Jay-Leets (WAIT WHAT)

Regina 11 January 201410:55 pm

OMG, now there is discussion about MAKING THE RECORD FOR YOURSELF.

Regina 11 January 201410:54 pm

“I’ll ‘Chinese Democracy’ this motherfucker, I don’t care!” – Jared “Fucking” Leto

Regina 11 January 201410:52 pm

I am so confused by the timeline in this movie, as Shannon’s beard is ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Regina 11 January 201410:50 pm

“You sound like a corporate fucking dick!” – the best lawyer ever

Regina 11 January 201410:50 pm

“The win is you get to pay legal fees!” – the only honest lawyer ever

Regina 11 January 201410:47 pm

The relationship b/w Jared and Shannon reminds me of why I am SO glad to be an only child.

Regina 11 January 201410:42 pm

Seeing the EMI story presented from this perspective is fascinating.

Regina 11 January 201410:41 pm

NO, REALLY. I AM HAVING FLASHBACKS. For your fanpoodles out there, Jared really does go into creepy-ass voices/impersonations at the drop of a hat. And I only have 30 minutes of experience to base this on.

Regina 11 January 201410:40 pm

Hold on, it’s Christmas in California and they’re wearing flannels and hats. What.

Regina 11 January 201410:38 pm

Lawyers talking about strategy using dildo analogies is always awesome.

Regina 11 January 201410:36 pm

My favorite EMI story? “Flowers & Chocolate” on the T&E budget were code for “cocaine”.

Regina 11 January 201410:34 pm

Uh, Shannon, your button-flies are unbuttoned in this xylophone shot. JUST SAYING.

Regina 11 January 201410:32 pm

Let’s not forget the time where AP asked fans to work for free for her.

Regina 11 January 201410:31 pm

Wait, hold on, this movie references my most HATED kickstarter of all time (i.e., Amanda Palmer) as a GOOD THING!?

Regina 11 January 201410:30 pm

NO OMG WHYYYYY AMANDA PALMER IS ON THIS KILL ME NOW OMG

Regina 11 January 201410:29 pm

Wait, hold on, they actually called the album “This Means War” to STICK IT TO THE MANNNNNNNNN #hardcore #pma

Regina 11 January 201410:28 pm

Tomo is still my favorite fanboy-turned-famous person ever.

Regina 11 January 201410:26 pm

Who is/was paying the camera guy? (I’M SERIOUSLY CURIOUS.)

Regina 11 January 201410:24 pm

Yes, okay, Shannon is pretty much a beast on the kit. Also, he’s an actual nice guy IRL and picked up when I was super uncomfortable in a weird situation. And his eyebrow game is ON POINT.

Regina 11 January 201410:22 pm

“They’re the only credible worldwide band you have other than Coldplay!” TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH

Regina 11 January 201410:21 pm

Hold on, wait. I am not saying the breakdown of the recording artist deal isn’t true…but, if Jared Leto was going to sign a deal, don’t you think he would have had adequate representation present to make sure he wasn’t signing something ridiculous? I’m genuinely curious.

Regina 11 January 201410:19 pm

Now they’re going into the money behind the deals. Jesse just said “This is some Terminator shit!”

Regina 11 January 201410:18 pm

“Is Incubus even a band, though?” – Jesse

Regina 11 January 201410:17 pm

We just exchanged a wide-eyed look after an exchange between Shannon and Jared. Then Jesse had to say, ” He IS a pretty phenomenal drummer, y’know?”

Regina 11 January 201410:15 pm

Look, I get it: People care about the Leto brothers. But that sojourn into “where you came from” was weird.

Regina 11 January 201410:13 pm

“WE CLIMBED OUT OF THE MUDDY BANKS OF THE MISSISSIPPI WITH OUR INSTRUMENTS IN ONE HAND AND A FIST FULL OF FOOD STAMPS IN ANOTHER.” – Jared

Regina 11 January 201410:12 pm

Wait, hold on. Jared directed this movie, and there is a whole bit about how awesome he is?

Oh, wait, yeah, okay.

Regina 11 January 201410:11 pm

Mulder has given up on the movie and is now sitting on the cable box. Scully just gently pawed Jared’s face.

Regina 11 January 201410:10 pm

I don’t wish my name was Lee Trink.

Regina 11 January 201410:10 pm

I wish my name was Guy Hands.

Regina 11 January 201410:09 pm

Now they’re getting into the legal shit. I’m in, bitches. I’m in.

Regina 11 January 201410:07 pm

Um, Flavor Flav just dropped some bars for them. RESPECT.

Regina 11 January 201410:04 pm

Both Scully and Mulder (kitties) are now in front of the television because Serj T. (System of a Down) is on the screen. YAY, ARMENIANS!

Regina 11 January 201410:04 pm

Look, the reason the labels are fucked on digital music is because they stopped selling singles when they flipped to CDs as main distribution. I blame Alanis Morrisette. I still remember being in Strawberries in Worcester and being told I had to buy the whole album to “You Oughta Know”.

Regina 11 January 201410:03 pm

Wait, who are these people who have never had to pay for music? Like, are your parents NOT monitoring your internet usage?

Regina 11 January 201410:01 pm

Now they’re talking to their lawyers. Weird memories of Jared Leto on the phone telling me “That’s the label,” while I waited for my turn in the press queue. He meant, “Get off the fucking bus, you lackey.” I scurried. He had a very effective side-eye.

Regina 11 January 20149:58 pm

“This is kind of like the ‘Tron: Legacy’ soundtrack!” – Jesse

Regina 11 January 20149:58 pm

Wait, I take it back, Shannon grew a creepy beard and just winked at me through the television. WHY ARE ALL LETO BOYS WEIRD OMG.

Regina 11 January 20149:57 pm

I just scared the cat off the couch I screamed so loud when I saw that dude from Incubus.

Regina 11 January 20149:56 pm

(Honestly, this is what it’s like watching a movie with me in the privacy of my own home. There’s a lot of shouting.)

Regina 11 January 20149:56 pm

STEVE LILLYWHITE IS IN THIS SHIT?!

Regina 11 January 20149:55 pm

Wait, what, now we’re talking about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

Regina 11 January 20149:55 pm

God damn, Jared Leto has pretty eyes.

Regina 11 January 20149:54 pm

Look, seriously, California labor laws are not to be fucked with. TRUST ME ON THIS.

Regina 11 January 20149:53 pm

Oh, wait, they wanted to break their contract. NOW I GET IT. WAY TO BURY THE LEDE, LETO.

Regina 11 January 20149:53 pm

Wait, hold on, what is the “breach of contact”? I’m confused. Oh, wait, like, because they didn’t make enough money for EMI?

Regina 11 January 20149:52 pm

Our only male cat (Mulder), it sitting right in front of the television and randomly swiping at the screen. I get you, bro. Jared is too hot for living.

Regina 11 January 20149:49 pm

Oh, it’s directed by BARTHOLOMEW CUBBINS. I WONDER WHO THAT IS.

Regina 11 January 20149:48 pm

Shannon Leto is still adorable. He was the only Leto that has ever hugged me in an appropriate way. (Take what you want from that.) (Jared, I’m looking at you.)

Regina 11 January 20149:47 pm

“OMG, it’s a fucking bootleg!” – Jesse

Regina 11 January 20149:47 pm

OMG, it’s basically a silver disc with just PLAY and CHAPTERS. How will I survive without captions?

Comments

  1. Dee says

    “Jared flips people off like a Southerner. With the bent knuckles. EXTEND THE FLANGE YO.”

    It’s called framing. Framing the flip makes it more elegant.

    P.S. I am not a Southerner.

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